This is it. This is the end.
Avengers: Endgame is officially out in cinemas right now.
And honestly speaking, having waited one entire, goddamn year for this, I can safely say this:
I’m going to go all out for this movie. Whatever it takes.
As such, I’ve my plan all drafted out. I’ll get the most comfortable seats. The best food. The sweetest movie partners. It’ll be the perfect experience-
Editor: Wait, you sure you got everything?
Yeah, I’ve got all the food, all the company…
Editor: Well, what about the toilet?
What’re you talking about? Doesn’t every theatre have one?
Editor: Well, you sure you want to go to the toilet during the movie?
I can control my bladder…
Editor: It’s 3 hours and 1 minute long. You’re gonna have to go to the toilet at some point.
I-I…
Editor: Well…?
…
I’m so screwed. I’ll have to go at least twice since I’m so properly hydrated my pee’s actually drinkable!
Editor: Well, don’t say I not friend enough ah. Here, check this out: Punggol Minimart Offers Takeaway Plastic Bags For People Watching Avengers Endgame Movie
Wait… what am I gonna do with the plastic bags?
Editor: What do you think?
…
Wow, Editor… that’s simply…
Advertising: Endgame level
One entrepreneurial supermarket by the name of Li Li Cheng has utilised Endgame’s ludicrously long running time to its advantage, by engaging in some nice little marketing for itself.
Located in Punggol, this innovative mart provided a cheeky solution for those without adequately-sized bladders:
Takeaway plastic bags.
And to really cater to all the different sizes of bladders out there, the supermarket’s even offering three different sizes from S$0.60 to S$0.80.
Now, that’s professionalism alright.
Also, the mart offers a rather interesting rendition of Oreo as well:
Oreo Ice-Cream.
Which we’ve written about a few days back.
Though considering how cold the cinema theatre’s going to be, ice-cream might not be the first thing on anyone’s must-buy list.
But hey; you can always contemplate having this outside, considering how hot the weather is. 😉
Netizens give the plastic bags a big thumbs up
After Li Li Cheng advertised its ‘Avengers-worthy’ plastic bags, Netizens turned up in droves to air their approval. And while most simply tagged their friends to share the amazing worth of the plastic bags in question, some hinted at the sheer efficiency the plastic bags insinuated.
Though if you were to ask me…
You’ll definitely need these plastic bags in order to defeat Thanos.
What else can one do?
Should you, for some inexplicable reason be unable to make it to this ‘Avengers-class’ supermart, here’s a list of other things you can do:
- Abstain from eating or drinking before the movie, as Marvel Studios president Kevin Feige urged.
- Go on a bladder workout programme 7 days from the day you watch the movie
- Use your water bottle
Because in the end, it’s Avengers: Endgame.
Whatever it takes, right?
Note: Lest you’re actually taking us seriously, please don’t go urinating or defecating in public. First, it’s unhygienic. And secondly, it’s just ****ed up. So please, for the sake of Thanos’ right gauntlet… don’t pee into a plastic bag.
Just pee to your side.
Over in TikTok, there’s a drama involving property agents that’s caused by us. Here’s what happened:
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