We all know being a parent in Singapore is immensely difficult.
There are financial constraints to think about, work stress to juggle, expectations to fulfill -both self and external – and a myriad of other challenges that come along the way.
Hell, there are even queues to get one’s child into good nursery and primary schools.
So imagine that.
Now, add on the fact that you are a single and young mum, facing discrimination and prejudice in Singapore – that’s what Shermaine Chngy, 25 years old, has been facing for the better part of the last five years.
Shermaine and Everleigh
Mum at 20 Years Old
Now at 25, and a loving mother to four-year-old Everleigh, Shermaine details the challenges she faced from when she was 20 years old in a heart-to-heart session with HoneyKids Asia.
As the article puts: “Being in your twenties is usually a time for discovery and focusing on school, graduating from university, figuring things out and making mistakes. This was exactly so for Shermaine: as a typical 20 year-old she enjoyed hanging out with her friends, practicing Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu and working towards finishing her Polytechnic diploma. All that came to a grinding halt when she found out she was pregnant.”
Before she was pregnant, Shermaine was very much like every teen out there, doing the things they love, hanging out with friends and also pursuing an education.
Shermaine told HoneyKids Asia: “I was shocked because I was on the pill. I didn’t know how to feel at that time. It seemed really unreal because I was probably too immature to even understand the gravity of the situation.”
For or Not For
The circumstances facing Shermaine would certainly have been mind-boggling for her to grasp.
But breaking the news to family and friends would have been on another whole new-harder level.
Initially hesitant, it was Shermaine’s aunt who broke the news to her family.
Shermaine shared:
“My mum was really supportive and told me that I was old enough to make my own decisions and take responsibility for them. My dad wasn’t happy and said that he didn’t want to have anything to do with the child.”
Caught in a bind, “Shermaine considered terminating her pregnancy” as “she felt unready to raise a baby and ended up being in denial for most of her pregnancy.”
But what helped in her decision was ultimately “hearing her daughter’s heartbeat for the first time.”
Despite that, Shermaine admits to being “terrified about how she would cope.”
Friends like family too, were divided on hearing the news.
“She had some she could rely on and who thoughtfully brought her food when she wasn’t up to going out, but then she had others who had no qualms in telling her she was ruining her life. Similarly, her classmates were in two camps. There were the ones who would be unkind and rude to her, but others who were not only encouraging, but would also help her catch up on work she had missed in class for doctor’s appointments,” HoneyKids Asia wrote.
Being Judged
Noting that her stomach was already bulging by six month of her pregnancy, Shermaine shared that it was not so much about the public not giving up their seats for her, but rather ” despite being obviously pregnant (and carrying my textbooks and laptop) that people’s judgement overrode their kindness, and they would throw critical stares at me instead of helping me.”
The judgmental remarks didn’t stop even after she had given birth.
She recalls:
“While holding my daughter, I’ve had aunties coming up to me and asking ‘Is this your child?’, ‘Are you educated?’, ‘Why didn’t you abort your baby?’, ‘It’s going to be hard for people to accept you’… When it happens I end up justifying myself and telling them I’m pursuing my degree and then calmly walk away.”
Taking it all in Graceful, Commendable strides
Fast forward to this day, “Shermaine very much takes it all in her stride. Instead of focusing on the negativity she (still) gets from strangers, Shermaine chooses to ignore, and instead concentrates on being the best mummy that she can be to Everleigh” wrote HoneyKids Asia.
Shermaine quips: “The best thing about being a mum is seeing your child grow and having her tell me that she loves and misses me – it’s the most amazing feeling in the world! It makes all the sacrifices worth it.”
Despite her busy schedule, Shermaine is very much a hands-on mother “who brings Everleigh to school, helps out on class trips and also has her daughter come along to her Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu practice at Evolve MMA.”
In spite of all her commendable efforts at being a great mum, Shermaine shares that she still feels judgement, and while she’s toughened up, it still hurts.
We for one at Goody Feed, admire your determination, strength and character, and last but not least, for the courage to share your story, Shermaine.
Thank you.
Here’s a simplified summary of the South Korea martial law that even a 5-year-old would understand:
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