Just in case you’re not news savvy (UH HUM GOODYFEED APP), on 18 April 2019, Avengers: Endgame Directors urged fans not to give spoilers.
But if you haven’t watched Endgame, be afraid.
Be very afraid.
The ban hammer on the #nospoilers ends Monday (or if you care about timezones, Tuesday?).
If you haven’t seen Endgame yet, see it this weekend. The spoiler ban lifts on Monday!
Check out @GMA for the full video… pic.twitter.com/gGrvUgLL6k— Russo Brothers (@Russo_Brothers) May 2, 2019
Why you should be afraid
We theorised that a few China police allowed a suspect to watch Endgame completely for fear of spoilers.
A Hong Kong man has been beaten up for shouting spoilers.
A Texas man was beaten up too, and this time the police even sympathised with the attacker, letting him off with a simple citation for assault.
Even ex-Malaysian Prime Minister Najib got roasted on Twitter for posting spoilers and was called out for “trying too hard to fit in” and alluding to his other scandals.
You can basically say that we have scientific proof that crime rates will go up with the ban being lifted.
After all, there are even guides to avoiding Endgame spoilers.
Not being spoiled is a miserable state
Watch this man:
In order to avoid spoilers he had thrown away his phone, voluntarily blinded himself and made himself deaf.
Are you sure that is the kind of miserable state you want to be in?
Unspoiled people are robbed of their sight, their hearing, their means of communications. To you people, even breathing the air is Endgame spoilers.
Are you sure that is the life you want?
The solution to Endgame spoilers
Watch the durn movie.
If you care about spoilers, it means you care about the movie. But I know, maybe for whatever reason it isn’t quite possible.
Until you actually watch the movie, here’s what you can do.
I’m not telling you to block and mute Twitter, Reddit and Facebook.
Just believe every spoiler you see.
Here’s why this works
It’s liberating to not give a shit about anything people tell you.
Everything you hear becomes a theory. Something that might not be true while also being completely plausible.
Captain America and Iron Man have the hots for each other! Thanos teams up with the Avengers! Batman joins the Avengers! Bruce Banner was Loki all this time! Hawkeye is actually a Skrull! Holy shit! Iron Man is actually Tony Stark! Captain America’s greatest enemy is Captain Singapore!
And you know what hardcore comic book fans do? They theorise. It doesn’t matter if those turned out to be true or not. In fact, if it turned out to be true, it’s an accomplishment. You basically wrote part of the story.
It also becomes incredibly entertaining. That’s what comic books were made for in the first place. Possibilities.
And how do you know the following didn’t happen at least once in the 14 million possibilities Dr Strange saw?
In the meantime, a last check on cinema websites shows that good seats are still pretty hard to get this weekend during peak hours, but at least there are some empty seats in the middle (not to the front) of some halls.
My advice? Go buy the tickets now.
Over in TikTok, there’s a drama involving property agents that’s caused by us. Here’s what happened:
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