Yesterday (Dec 18) was a day of mourning for K-pop fans worldwide.
The lead singer of SHINee, Kim Jong Hyun, had unfortunately passed away.
His elder sister made a police report at 4.42pm KST claiming that her brother might be committing suicide, as his text to her suggested so.
He was found unconscious in an officetel in Gangnam, Seoul by the police at 6.10pm KST.
The YTN news channel reported that Kim had checked into the residence for two nights.
He was rushed to a nearby hospital but died eventually.
Reports suggested he died of cardiac arrest from carbon monoxide poisoning.
A frying pan with coal briquettes was found in the room. Charcoal briquettes can cause carbon monoxide poisoning in closed rooms.
“We’ve decided not to (do an) autopsy as it is certain that the deceased had taken his own life and the bereaved families did not want it,” an official from Seoul Gangnam Police said.
“We will wrap up the investigation as soon as we’ve finished talking to the family.”
About Kim Jong Hyun
He went solo in 2015 and just ended his solo concert in Seoul last week. He was expected to appear on “Night Goblin” but the episode has now been cancelled.
Kim was also busy preparing for his comeback, which makes his sudden death even more striking.
SM Entertainment issued a statement on Monday night after verifying his death.
It said: “We’re sorry to deliver such heart-aching, unfortunate news. On December 18, SHINee member Jonghyun left our side unexpectedly.”
SM Entertainment referred to him as “the best artist who loved music more than anyone and always worked hard for his performance”.
It added that his funeral will be “carried out in the quietest manner with his family members and co-workers” according to his family’s wishes.
SM Entertainment also prepared a public mortuary for Shawols (SHINee fandom name) to pay their last respects to their beloved singer.
Kim’s last photo on his Instagram showed lyrics from a song by Dear Cloud.
It read “persistent scars and sighs of exhaustion, will they have stopped?”
The post led fans to think if the lyrics were foreshadowing his suicidal thoughts.
In an interview, Kim once said: “Ever since I was little I showed a lot of depressive feelings, and it’s the same in the present.”
Dear Cloud‘s Nine9 was a friend that Kim always turned to.
Kim had sent her a parting letter and requested that she reveal it to everyone:
I am damaged from the inside. The depression that has been slowly eating away at me has completely swallowed me, and I couldn’t win over it.
I hated myself. I tried to hold on to breaking memories and yelled at myself to get a grip, but there was no answer.
If I can’t clear my breath, it’s better to stop.
I asked myself who can take care of myself.
It’s only me.
I was alone.
It’s easy to say I’ll end things.
It’s hard to end things.
I lived all this time because of that difficulty.
They said I wanted to run away.
That’s true. I wanted to run away.
From me.
From you.
I asked who it was. It was me. And it was me. And it was me again.
I asked why I kept losing my memories. They said it was because of my personality. I see. It was my fault in the end.
I wanted someone to notice, but no one noticed. No one met me, so of course, they don’t know I exist.
I asked why people live. Just. Just. People just live.
If I ask why people die, I guess they’d say they were tired.
I suffered and I worried. I never learned how to turn my pain into happiness.
Pain is just pain.
They told me not to be like that.
Why? Can’t I even end things the way I want?
They told me to figure out why I was hurting.
I know very well why. I’m hurting because of me. It’s all my fault and because I’m bad.
Doctor, is this what you wanted to hear?
No, I didn’t do anything wrong.
When the doctor blamed my personality with a quiet voice, I thought it was so easy to be a doctor.
It’s amazing how much I’m hurting. People who are hurting more live well. People weaker than me live well. I guess not. Out of everyone alive, there’s no one hurting more than I am and there’s no one weaker than I am.
But they said I should live.
I asked why so many times, but it’s not for me. It’s for you.
I wanted to be for me.
Don’t say things that don’t make sense.
Figure out why I’m hurting? I told you why. Why I was hurting. Is it not okay to be hurting this much because of that? Do I need a more dramatic detail? I need more of a story?
I told you why. Were you not listening? Things I can win over don’t end in scars.
It wasn’t my place to clash with the world.
It wasn’t my life to be known to the world.
They said that was why I was hurting more. Because I had clashed with the world, because I was known to the world. Why did I choose this? That’s funny.
It’s a miracle I lasted this far.
What more can I say? Just tell me I worked hard.
That it was good of me to come this far. That I worked hard.
Even if you can’t smile as you let me go, please don’t blame me.
I worked hard.
I really did work hard.
Goodbye.
According to Kim’s friend A, “He didn’t have any issues in his personal life. His relationship with his mom and sister were great. All Jonghyun had was music but he blamed himself often, saying he lacks talent.”
In a part of his final text to his sister, Kim said: Tell me I’ve worked hard.
Since you’re here, why not watch a video about an NTU student who went all out to impress his crush, only to end up in…tragedy? Here, watch it and do remember to share it (and also subscribe to Goody Feed YouTube channel)!
This article was first published on goodyfeed.com
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