Edward Lim, Author at Goody Feed

Whenever I watch Korean dramas, I get transported into a land of romantic fantasy. The imagined world is one of happily ever after, of exciting courtships, but no matter the ordeal, it always ends romantically with the attractive lead actors deep in love. Image: Giphy Unfortunately, what happens in Korean dramas do not necessarily reflect on the real world. Some of those lead actors within those movies also go through breakups, with one of the most prominent being Song Joongki and Song Hye Ko's (the lead actors of Descendants of the Sun) divorce. Image: giphy.com Here at Goody Feed, we hope for fewer couples to end in tragedy (we have too many single writers in the office sigh). Oftentimes, why relationships end is because both parties do not work on their problems before they grow and fester, disfiguring what was once beautiful. Instead, we hide our heads in the sand. Image: Giphy If you want your relationship to be healthy and long, here are five signs of trouble you can look out for: 1. Fears Of A Shared Future One key feature of healthy couples is the excitement to look forward to the future. You should be excited in imagining a future with your significant other, exhilarated when you think about where you want to live together, what kind of children you would want to raise together etcetera. Image: Giphy At the very least, you should not be freaking out. If thinking about the future, for example marriage and living together, makes you panic and distressed, you should evaluate the relationship. Image: Giphy It may mean that your significant other may not be suitable for you, or that you have some deep-seated issues with the relationship that needs to be solved before you can see a promising future. 2. You Spend Less Time Together One annoying thing about friends in relationships is that they always bail on you to hang out with their partners. Image: Giphy Whatever happened to 'bro' time? The ladies are not exempted too, often also skipping out on time with the girls to hang out with their new boy. Image: Giphy Despite all the shade thrown by friends, a strong desire to spend time alone together is actually very healthy. It shows that you still really enjoy your partner's company and that you have enough interaction to stay very close to each other. However, if you find yourself electing to not go home early to have snuggle time, to do once-couple activities alone or with other people, and no longer wanting to spend alone time with them, it may be a huge red flag. This may mean that silently, the importance of your partner has perniciously been chipped away. It may be time to consider if you want to spend more time together or let things go. 3. No Longer Special You know how if you really like someone, you tend to view them through rose-tinted glasses (yes, your partner is not really that amazing)? What if you took off those glasses by yourself? Image: Giphy Somewhere along the road, you may have stopped seeing the special positive qualities in your partner that you fell for – and instead see all of their flaws. Suddenly, this person no longer feels that special. You may also begin to fantasise about what it is like if you were in a relationship instead with this really cute classmate or that nice boy who always volunteers to drive you home. Or just fantasise about being with anyone else. If this applies to you, it may be time to revaluate how you see your partner and the interactions within your relationship, because it may be that you have stopped seeing what was special and unique about your partner. 4. Lack Of Trust Trust is the most important ingredient in any relationship, much less a romantic one. Image: Giphy However, sometimes your partner may have given you reasons to lose your trust. Or perhaps, your partner does not trust you. Image: Giphy For whatever reason, trust has been eroded. That lack of trust festers and it reeks. One of you becomes increasingly possessive and controlling, looking through phone chats, not allowing the significant other to hang out with friends of their preferred gender. In the worst-case scenario, you suspect and scrutinise the actions of your partner. Is she being nice? Why? Did she do something wrong? Who is this girl who left a comment on his Instagram post? Is he cheating on me? Lack of trust leads to suspicions which leads to jealousy, which leads to anger and frustration. If you have trust issues in your relationship, it is advisable to solve them as soon as possible. If need be, consider looking for professional help. 5. Any Abusive Behaviour This is a major warning sign. If you or your partner is partaking in any abusive behaviour, he or she should stop it immediately. Image: Giphy Abusive behaviour should not be tolerated at all. Abusive behaviour refers to any words or physical action that harms the person and is intended to do so. Sometimes, the abuse may be in terms of emotions as well. The problem with abuse is that oftentimes, abusers make the victims feel that they are at fault for the abuse. For example, making someone feel that they are inadequate as a partner, humiliating statements designed to erode the victim's self-worth and take the blame. This means that in many situations, abuse in relationships is hard to define and speak about, and hence to resolve. It can also be very humiliating to talk about. If you feel that you have to become a 'lawyer' every time you explain your partner's harmful actions, you may be a victim of abuse. If the offending party refuses to change, it may be time to leave the toxic relationship. If you reach out for help, there will always be someone waiting to embrace you and help you, even if you do not think they would care. The Real World Alright, there are so many theories about love floating around on the internet, including ours, despite rising rates of divorce in the developed world. Reality is no Korean drama. Image: Giphy It certainly is not easy to go through a struggling relationship, and deciding what to do next. One thing is certain though. No matter what, you have to make the best decision for yourself. All the best! Image: Giphy

Edward Lim

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