Shawn Ambrose, Author at Goody Feed

We all agree that the Internet is filled with nothing but truthfulness: that influencer whom you've been stalking definitely looks like a diva 24 hours a day, and travel 365 days a year. Your friend is in a great relationship because she's been posting lovey-dovey images on Instagram, despite the fact that you saw her on Tinder this morning. With so many people having such a perfect image online, we thought of having a weekly section called #TuesdayTrueday, whereby we Goody Feed, the imperfect human beings on the Internet, reveal some of our stories to show you the truth online. And for this week, we're taking you back in time to the days where all you worried about were exams and crushes. Ah, young love. There's nothing quite like it. Even some drugs can't make you act as stupid as puppy love can (Not that I have tried any drugs, mind you). The things we would do just to get a smile from our crush range from cute and funny to sad and pathetic. If we Goody Feed beings seem like sad losers who could never attract another human let alone get a partner, you'd be right. Most of us spend our super single life at work before sleeping on our super single beds. But even we have tried to entice our crush, albeit with miserable results. Here are three stories of pathetic attempts to impress a crush. The One With The Pet Rat I used to have a massive crush on this boy in primary school. It was puppy’s love, obviously. Back in the day, we would send handwritten notes to boys we liked, and vice versa. They would often reciprocate, even if they liked us back or not. The problem was, I had a close female friend who also had a crush on the same guy I liked. Ha ha ha…. The funny thing was, we would both write notes to the same boy and he would reply to the both of us. Not cool. One day, I noticed that he had left a note for her on her table.. So I took it just so I could read what they were talking about, so I could write something more interesting and impress him. I know, not my best moment but hey, I was a kid. Turns out, they were having a conversation about how cute his pet rat was. Yes, not hamster, rat. I didn’t like him anymore after that. P.S. A classmate told her that I read her note and we are no longer friends. The One Who Wrote A Song For A Girl When I was 14, I used to have this massive crush on a girl in my church. Like many other 14-year-olds, I was incredibly shy and afraid of rejection. But then I remembered what movies and books have been telling us for decades; write a song to get the girl. Fortunately, I knew how to play the guitar, and so I wrote and recorded a song for her on my shitty phone. The problem was that I assumed she would immediately swoon at the mere mention of a song about her, but it didn't quite go that way. One day, after a service, I brought her aside and let her listen to the song I wrote for her. Instead of smiling though, when she heard the song she looked as if I had just told her I was going to kidnap her and keep her captive for years; she was visibly uncomfortable. When the song was over, she took out her earphones and gave me an awkward smile saying, "Aw, that's such a sweet song, who is it for?" Now, as she asked her questions, I could see her eyes pleading with me not to say her name. So, I simply said another girl's name and she looked relieved and sighed for a concerned long time. After that, I walked home sadly, with a heart full of despair. But then, that girl whose name I used as an excuse called me. I assumed that my crush told her about the song I wrote for her and that maybe she liked me. My spirits were lifted. Someone likes me? Well, let's see what she has to say! What she actually said was "Did you write a song for me?" and after I said yes, she said "I'm sorry but I don't see you that way. It's flattering though!" and hung up the phone. My young heart had been trampled on twice, once by my crush, and again by a girl who I didn't even like. Love hurts. The One Who Played Cupid For Everyone Else Alright, people prepare your beds, tuck in your sheets, cause it's time for a bedtime story in the cringe chamber. This happened back in the days when I was a kid, and as we know kids are all stupid. Back then I was a loser (still am, but my point remains) and thought that the girl I liked would never like me back. Being the loser self, the thought process was not "let's try being her friend" but thinking up of an indirect method. My school used those tables that you can flip open with a storage compartment, so the plan was to write notes and slip them into the tables. Of course, the plan was to slip them into the tables other than my own crush's. Wait, what? You see, I was too afraid that I would get found out. I was also afraid of failure, so I had to experiment first. So I practised different handwritings and slipped random unnamed notes into two of my classmates table-lockers. To make things less suspicious, I also slipped them into one other classes' tables, and I had to pretend to go home and then hide somewhere in school in order to successfully slip the notes into the table. At first, this felt a bit like playing cupid, cause during recess I would hear whispers about rumours on who-liking-who starting because of the notes I slipped. How do I know those were because of my notes? Oh, because of the phrases they quoted. It's too much of a coincidence for the same exact phrases to be used as mine. Those idiots didn't even realise the handwriting was awful. Somehow I think this inspired a few more to write their own notes to their crush, cause talks about the letters spread around. Way more than it should. I like to think I might have sparked a few relationships and made this a mini-culture within that school year. The whispers somehow gave me some confidence to write the letter for my actual crush, but I ended up not giving the note because of cowardice. I shredded and buried the letter later.

Shawn Ambrose

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