Shawn Ambrose, Author at Goody Feed

I'm sure you've seen movies where a protagonist hires a hitman to kill his rival, partner, or a political figure. This is how it usually goes down in those films: After contacting the hitman on some obscure website, the hitman invites the client to a dark, dingy, abandoned garage where he asks his client to take a seat. The hitman, who usually looks like the offspring of James Bond and Captain America, then opens up a briefcase filled with deadly black weapons before motioning for the client to do the same. So, the client opens his briefcase full of money and passes it to the hitman, who until now has remained silent. After inspecting the briefcase, he looks up, smiles, and says something like Consider it done in an eerily low voice. Then, two days later, the target is killed and the client is happy. Unfortunately, as one man in China learned, hitmen in real life aren't as competent. Man Pays Hitman S$385,000 To Kill Competitor But Scheme Failed As The Job Was Outsourced 4 Times As the hilarious headline states, a man in China paid a hitman S$385,000 to kill a rival, but the scheme failed as the job was outsourced too many times. In 2013, a local real estate company owner, Tan Youhui, decided to kill his competitor, a man named Wei, because Wei had filed a civil court case against his enterprises. However, he didn't have the nerve to do it himself, so he hired a hitman to do it for him. The hitman, Xi Guangan, was paid 2 million yuan (around S$385,000) and provided with Wei's personal information such as his identity card, and his cell phone and license plate numbers. You do it However, instead of being a good little hitman and killing his target, Xi subcontracted the job to another hitman, Mo Tianxiang, and kept half the money for himself. Xi even went back to Tan and asked for an extra one million yuan (around S$193,000), but Tan said he would only give it once the job was complete. Unfortunately, the second hitman Mo never heard the phrase mo money mo problems, and he decided to subcontract the job to another person, Yang Kangsheng. Mo gave him 270,000 yuan (around S$52,000), and promised another 500,000 yuan (around S$96,000) after he killed Wei. You can see where this is going. Image: Giphy Yang, too, realized that he could make some money without actually going through with the murder if he passed the job along to someone else. So Yang Kangsheng hired Yang Guangsheng to kill Wei for him. I promise I am not making this up. Similarly, Guansheng was given a certain amount upfront and promised another 500,000 yuan after the job was done. But then they were all arreste- oh wait, no, there's one more. Yang Guangsheng, or The Second Yang, as I call him, hired yet another hitman called Ling Xiansi to kill Wei. The Second Yang promised Ling 100,000 yuan (around S$19,300) once Wei was murdered. Now, this is where it all falls apart. You see, The Second Yang wasn't as business savvy as the other three hitmen before him. He only offered Ling 100,000 yuan, when all the other hitmen, including himself, were offered at least 600,000 yuan. And Ling, displaying a surprising level of rationality for a hitman, felt that 100,000 yuan was not worth killing a person. Scheme gets messy So, instead of killing Wei, Ling contacted Wei and asked him to fake his own death, so he could collect the reward without getting any blood on his hands. Image: Giphy However, Wei, unlike the other four genius hitmen, decided not to go through with Ling's proposed plan. Instead, he notified the authorities. Jailed All six men, including Tan, were arrested and sentenced to prison in Guangxi, China. They will spend between two years and seven months to five years in jail. So, what have we learned? Good hitmen are hard to find these days. Gone are the days where you could simply open up a chat, hire a hitman, and bump off a competitor a few days later. Talented students are choosing to be doctors, lawyers, and teachers instead of hitmen. That's the crisis we face today.

Shawn Ambrose

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